Good morning. Or I should say Morning. I am actually sitting at work on my day off because I couldn’t sit at home by myself any longer.
I haven’t been sleeping good for the past couple weeks. I haven’t seen my girl in a couple weeks. I haven’t had my son for months. It’s so lonely at times I feel like I could scream.
So today, I want to talk about memories. Sometimes as a mom, memories are all you have. Things change so quickly.
I have some of the best memories with my daughter. I am lucky that I still get to make memories with her. She is so funny and kind. She has been since the day she was born. I have so many pictures and videos of her growing up. I am so grateful to have them. She was such a momma’s girl. I like to think she still is somewhat even though she has another mom.
My memories of my son are mixed. I loved every second I had with my boy, but we spent the majority of our time at the hospital or at doctors or being home with daily seizures and pain. My son had 2 good months out of the whole 20 months he was alive. That is what I try to concentrate on when I think about him. I think of all our snuggle time. I think about him and my best friends son together. Unfortunately, I don’t get to make any more memories with my boy and that makes me so sad sometimes.
Everything happens so fast in motherhood. We take so much for granted. I learned to not take any moment for granted when Samuel was alive. It has helped me see my relationship with Mackenzie so much differently.
Sometimes I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have her. I thought I had lost her forever. I thought I wasn’t good enough for her. I saw another wonderful woman becoming what I wanted to keep so badly.
My future plans are to keep making memories with my girl and keep working towards my goals. I want to show her that no matter how far you stumble in life you can always rise back up. That is what I am doing. I am rising from a long hard fall. I am so grateful to have a second chance.
Still A Mom 